Confusion

I am now trapped in a state of confusion. I find myself disoriented in a sense of future planning. Yes, the place where I will be posted really matters to design the pattern of life that I gonna live. I wish I can work in Kelantan, but there are a few times that I want to migrate like how abah did. Go somewhere else, meet new people,live in new surroundings. Being away for a few years somehow had changed the way I think. Nevertheless, it is absolutely wrong to say that I am mentally prepared to be sent to Sabah or Sarawak. Those states never exist in my mind, nor my eyes to imagine. I want to take care of my parents but Kelantan is not the land where I wanted my house poles being erected. No, I don't want. When abah said the principal of Sekolah Menengah Sains Pasir Puteh is interested to arrange that I will serve at that a school, what can I see in my eyes is nothing. It is all dark, lonely, and quiet. That sounds good if than nothing, but I just don't want to be here as early as 24. Give me life for 1 year or 2, at least before I have my own family. Once in Kelantan, will always be in Kelantan. Abah will get really upset if he knows this. I know. That might be a reason too that I don't want to show my excitement. It is very hard to tell, but if only abah knows what is hidden in my mind T.T no, tak nak. Please I don't want.