Buat si dia yg entah siapa dan di mana

Sekali dgr je terpaut... (^_^)

Astaghfirullah...jgn lagho...jgn..

Time flies

23:44 19/9/2011
One day left before I have to say goodbye para mi casa. Leaving home this year is much harder than I thought. Mama still does not show any sign of improvement but I know Abah is there to keep her company. If only I could stay longer, I would not think twice. No matter what the reality is what we've got to face. If I keep longing for stability and situation unchanged, then life wont move forward. I wanted to go over Mama, hug her and tell her that she could actually go back to being her old self again. But I couldn't lie, if not to her but at least to my own self.  How fast time flies..this is how my summer break ends...Ya Allah Ya Rahim, I just one for the best for everyone. Keep my family safe here..Biyadikal khair..

Blowing O o O o making you Go

"Best sangat ke merokok ni? Rasa apa kalau smoking?"

If we ask this kind of questions to regular smokers, how will they usually respond? I think the most convincing statement that they are able to provide maybe to maintain their alertness [driving], reducing tense [ amazingly, spending RM10 for a pack of 20 cigarettes does not bring tense] with many other excuses. Rationally thinking, there is no positive reason for consuming cigarettes but till now I keep wondering why people are still spending on that smelly things as if it is an essence of life. Anyway, cigarette was quite an issue that setting my precious final Friday- the day that Ayah Su was arranged to have a surgery to remove his tumor. Early in the morning, we gathered at An Nisa' hospital to accompany Ayah Sun and his wife. Around 2 hours before the operation began,  the other family members chatted about funny stories to make Ayah Su forget about his fear for awhile. It began with abah who came out with discipline problems of his students that he could recall. Turning back to Ayah Su, he admitted that he smoked when he was in secondary school but he said it was secretly done with mounting fear of being spotted by any villagers. The situation was not as worse as what is shown by students nowadays. They are so brave to smoke openly at any stalls, 2 meters away from the school gate. At distance Ayah Su described the food stall near to SMK Gaal appears pretty much like Kedai Bahulu every morning due to mushroom cloud of smoke in the area [Uff suddenly the images of fresh bahulu Bukit Jawa flashing in mind..hehe]. That story burst us into laughter, that's pretty common when Ayah Su opened his mouth and shared things. The most awaiting moment for me and all my cousings in every raya is listening to Ayah Su's stories..

Few minutes later the atmosphere changed, where everyone's vision became blurry and tears began to roll down. As if someone was envied of our merriment, Ayah Su was called by a nurse to get ready for his operation. The 6 hour operation is quite risky because the jaw area has complex vessels and neurons. It requires expertise to ensure that his brain and all senses won't be affected. Nobody could hold their emotion, so did I, especially when Ayah Su said in his prayer, "Seandainya ajal aku menghampiri, aku redha dan bersedia Ya Allah". 

Seeing Ayah Su in the surgical attire was really aching our hearts. It's hard to describe that sorrow moment. I just could not recall whether I've been in such saddening circumstance before. After Ayah su was brought to OT, we went to the ward to do whatever we could, performing solat hajat, reciting prayers and so on. Everyone seemed to hide their real feeling-the truth that only Him knows.

Well, to cut it short, suddenly we received a call from the staff nurse. Guess what? The operation could not be completed because Ayah Su smoked that morning. He said he took cigarettes because he could not bear with the anxious feeling. Yes, he did fast as instructed but he did not expect that the fast should be real (without smoking). The nicotine clogged heart vessels which is unsafe condition for the surgery. The doctors cancelled it in order to downplay the risk and avoiding more serious complications to the heart. Ayah Su has to endure the pain on his face longer. The doctors asked him to quit smoking for his heart condition to be absolutely stable.

I despise cigarette. Enough said.

*******

 “...he [the Prophet] commands them what is just, and forbids them what is evil; he allows them as lawful what is good, and prohibits them from what is bad..." (Qur'an 7:157).

kuci-kuci pampers hei

What makes this year's Syawal a lot different? The answer is one-babies and kids! Ho yeah!! Those babies were the most wonderful source of joy and merriment. They were the center of attraction, really. 2011- abah has 7 grandchildren. Another one will soon join those kiddies in the nearest time. Subhanallah..

1. Nur Elleya Syazwin 8 yrs old
Wah..this cucu sulung is growing up with stunning supermodel feature.Her obsession in pinky and girlish stuffs seems to be more obvious as times goes by. And also.. fan of Justin Bieber [erkk..]. Plus, her fondness for any movies with hantu setan momok santau elements in also develops simultaneously with her intelligence- she's among the smartest in Sekolah Rendah Puteri Pandan. Alhamdulillah..
Hurm, what else can be described about Elleya..she is also very open in expressing her love. I remember her words when she recalled the departure scene during the previous raya. "Elleya x nangis depan orang, tapi dalam kereta Elleya nangis la..sebab rindu.." It has been 3 years that she celebrated raya without a mother by her side. That's the reason why I've got to accept that she becomes too clingy to me.
I could feel the pain in her heart, but there's no cure that I'm able to provide..Sabar ye Eya :') Jadilah anak yang tabah, you always have my trust.

-Card and a Raya gift from Elleya-

2. Puteri Qistina Balqish 6 years old

Puteri Saadong

Her laughter once was an earth shaker, yet now she has changed totally. Perhaps to secure her throne as the puteri of my family. Agaknyalah.. =D On the first day of Raya she asked me for something incredibly unreasonable. "Nunu jom pegi kedai beli buku...!!" when I replied, "penjual buku pon jual lemang raya2 ni" then she shouted "alamak!!.."

3. Nik Emran Shah 6 years old

Emran

Hero Malaya Tok Bah who is also a fan of KL Gangster movie. I feel like cutting his tongue every time when he threw bad words. Shamsul Yusof and his team, stop producing gangster movies laa..haih. Emran still deserves respect when it comes to drawing precision from the inter-cousins drawing competition held by Kak Nor. We can see his talent..biso3!!

4. Nik Hanis Aishah 2 years old

What can I share about Aisyah...hurm, she is aware of her position as a Kakak but it was quite unbearable to deal with her unpredictable 'weather'. I think she needs more attention...In order to satisfy her and at the same time to sustain her happy mood, most of the raya time, all of us watched BabyTV on Astro with silent cry in heart...waaa..ABC 123...bosey. The boredom of the other eyes in the house do no seem to mean much for this innocent Aishah...bosey3!

Hang Lutpi

5. Nik Mohd Lutfil Hadi 2 years old
The best part is when they show some kind of actions that can make us laugh. Lutfi is the best at this. He performed solat at the middle of crowd, at the time when we were having ketupat n rendang during the raya evening..even crazier, he always comes up with a scary flirting action, falling his body into emran's and stay motionless..eugh.. =D

Qashrina

6. Puteri Qashrina Balqish 1 year old

This girl is the most polite niece I've ever had and met. It's so hard to see her crying. She prefers to have sharp breathing a few seconds, signalling that it will turn to sobs while tears accompanied with loud cry comes last. She will try hard to be patient all the time. She's just so cool with more like a bintang filim's egoistic manner. Her smile worth a million, or maybe more than that. Oh Qashrina, please don't grow up =D

7. Nik Mohd Asyraf 1 year old

Aisyah ands Asyraf

Asyraf, the king of hope. His attempts by menggeliat and bergeleloks are parts of his strategy to force us to carry him and keep walking. As long as he is held high with bits of motion, everything will be fine for HIM. You stand still, then he will bergelelok again.. haih..He's quite ambitious as he joins the elder cousins to play ball without realizing that he's still in the paralympic category..hehe...Asyraf the macho-man

**By the way, I just realized that their names are long, as long as mine. Is it genetically destined or what? ;P

Goodbye Ramadhan

Praise be to Allah for His blessings of Ramadhan
Praise be to Allah for giving me experience learning about Islam with Ummi
Praise be to Allah for the improvement on mama's health
Praise be to Allah for the space and time that allows all my six siblings to gather at home this year
Praise be to Allah for all the sumptuous food we shared
Praise be to Allah for making my primary schoolmates gathering into reality
Praise be to Allah for the remembrance of my friends all around the globe
Praise be to Allah for my determination to increase my ibadah throughout the fasting month
Praise be to Allah for the extra 'fishy elements' that indirectly had coloured my holiday

Where there is the beginning, who are we to deny the ending
My dear Ramdhan, I'm hereby letting you go...

Hands in the air

Tahniah!!

Chook-hah-hahm-nee-dah!!

Felicidades!!

At the age of 22, many of my friends had graduated successfully after so much of hard works and sacrifice. Some of them who underwent fast track, 1-year foundation or skipped standard 4 in primary school [pts] will surely feel relieved after tossing their caps. At least, they can start thinking about building life. I take this opportunity, here to congratulate those who had received their scroll. Not to forget, my seniors in school and from Portsmouth Uni. Wishing all of you a smooth path towards achieving your dream career. I still have two more years to finish my 3rd stage;

1. Primary [6yrs]

2. Secondary [5yrs]

--->>>3. Higher edu [6yrs]

4. Career dev- Masters, Ph.D[??]

My course takes up my precious 6 years. Ironically, I'm not doing medicine or any other related field. Looking from a positive angle, this can prove that preparation to teach English isn't easy as how it is viewed universally, it has nothing to do with the gov that's being so lavish to provide more than what is needed. XD

Anyway, I'm still in the process of liking what I'm doing now. Despite the teaching blood that circulates in my vessels, the feeling of wanting to quit is cannot be helped. Sometimes it's just because of a few foolish reasons- living a moderate life is the stigma. Plus, a teacher's life is too predictable> assembly, baju kurung, no AC..XD, also, I am not denying the society pressure. MRSM student and medicine is always a perfect combination, yet I'm doing something else. I am a friend of many future doctors, nearly 50% within my friends whom I'm still in contact with. That is what makes me feel intimidated at times.

Perhaps some of you used to or still have the same dilemma about the field that you are pursuing. It can be as simple as
"What the hell am I doing here? I'm not interested. This is not what I'm interested in. I certainly won't make a good ___"


Not everyone takes the course that he desires, particularly if it is fated. The acceptance is also different to individuals. For the case above, there is a need to ask serenity from Him, so that we can learn to accept such unchangeable things.What is planned by Allah is always the best for us.

"...boleh jadi kamu bencikan sesuatu, sedang Allah hendak menjadikan pada apa yg kamu benci itu kebaikan yg byk untuk kamu" (An-Nisa': 19)

Take note from what the Apple founder said,

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

For me graduation is nothing more than a dull compulsory ceremony to mark the end of your student title in the uni. The real graduation in once you become assured and happy with the field that you are working on.
Love your field first, the spirit will soon follow.
Insha-Allah
ALL THE BEST!!

***For future teachers,  I would recommend you to visit your former teachers in schools to rectify your doubt. Alhamdulillah, it works on me. I feel much better in a sense that I become more sure-footed to educate in the near future. Great teachers give profound impact on students, and it is an everlasting one. Hopefully, the remaining 2 years is sufficient to let the courage to be fully grown  (^_^)/

fear..?yes i am

My mood is not really stable lately. Reading the previous post makes me realize one thing about my current state that contradicts 360 degree.At the moment I'm actually in such an intense feeling of fear, scared, afraid, terrified, just name it. I'm scared that Allah will call my mom to go back to Him. She's sick, her body is weak and even the specialist can't give specific answer for that. Lately, she always mentions the word death, she has the feeling that she does not have much time. My heart cries every time when I hear that. Ya Allah, please increase our life. There are many things that I want to do for ma and abah. Plans and dreams that are not yet fulfilled. Only with your compassion, this pain will reduce. Give us time, give us space, give us chance Ya Allah. It is with the presence of ma and abah that I'm living to my hearts content. I'm really2 scared.. =(

For those who are reading this, please pray for my mom and don't forget to pray for yours too. Don't stop praying. That's the least that we can do. Doesn't matter if with just a small bit, let's try our best, try to show that we care for them.There's nothing wrong about demonstrating our love to parents, truly.