Misery

Dear diary,

There is one thing that impedes me from being calm in accepting my fortune, which is the believe that I can control every situation to be in accordance with my direction. The thought that Allah will always be on my side makes me feel over confidence. No Ayuni. You've got to learn that you are actually mean nothing. You got more than what u deserve. Who do you think you are?The world will never stop spinning be it with or without you. Get a life Ayuni, please. Pathetic.

care to hunt

When Paan asked “r u okay Yuni? If there is anything wrong just tell me", I just felt like jumping to him and cry in front of him. How can someone who has never been close to me can be so understanding to that extent? Yes mate I have been crying for the past three days. A good friend of mine hates me mucho without reason that any working mind could ever accept. He is a part of my life who chooses to show so much of hatred, even calling me an asshole.

Am I gonna kneel again this time? No, definitely. With that decision to I have to swallow hard the horrendous life that I can imagine next year. Why do people whom I appreciate always tend to disregard me? why can't their eyes see how appreciative I am for their friendship? Am I good for nothing?  2 months of joy, then it halted mercilessly. How am I going to enjoy my life here without friends around, let alone knowing that we arent longer talking?

There has been a continuous pain deep inside. I am losing self-worth Paan...
Deep down I am suffering.
Thankfully, there is you who is you

sobs

A's

It does not work as how it should be. My internal compass points to jealousy again when I think of other people's blessings in life. Yesterday evening warrants this undesirable emotion. I was in Afifah's room. The Cumils did gather at her house to show support since she is going to be a HO next week. Nabilah was praying. I was quite on her bed. I took her stethoscope and tried it once to my ears. I saw a book of Becoming a Houseman and I flicked through few pages. Her life is almost perfect. What is achieved today is exactly how she wished for when we were still primary school kids. Well I should stop being so melodramatic. Allah loves me most by giving what is the best for me, in accordance with my capability. I will work hatd for my students. Probably that is how I could do to revenge, producing doctors instead of being one. Enough Ayuni. It is time that you should learn how to stop staring in the dark. Find yourself back again! And to Afifah, well done. You are indeed my number one inspirer and have never stopped being one. I love u buddy.

The last smile

"Jangan perkecilkan perbuatan yg nampak kecil. sebiji benih dicampak ke laut boleh membentuk pulau"

Her words will always be remembered
Bersemadilah kamu dengan aman
Puan Siti Akmar
8.37pm 13/8/2014

a perfect scene

Dear diary,

Due to so much of disappointment particularly from abah's phone call this morning, how i wish I could spend one whole evening with the following people, have a pleasant chit chat together while all the needles of all watches are taken out of the faces:

oci

tazi

ejat

ipi

tyah

haziq 

paan

faten

athirah

nabilah

nazirah 

mia ruzaini

liyana

sharul

kak rena

hanis

faqiehah

viki

rindu tanpa kompromi

wavin' flag

Dear diary,

For the first time I have got a confession to make. After so much of freedom there has been change in the rythm of this tiny little heart this evening. I could sense a strange yet noteworthy feeling the moment when we were told about our separate journey to the same untoward place. Witnessed by the choir team, I saw the large hand saying a sweet goodbye and slowly disappeared from my sight. Absolutely the waving hand is not an everyday little thing. How I wish that its owner realizes that such act left me with an undescribable feeling. I saw that hand again before we left the ward from different door. For God sake, I secretly scanned the hand from the mirror reflection, hoping for any gesture addressed for me. To my surprise, my name was called again with that waving hand realizing my dream in the most fairy tale way. Irrespective of the vagueness, I should admit that the following night spent thinking of the waving hand. The most meaningful wave- that is basically the title those hands earned. Well probably the soul that was responsible for the gesture per se. Nothing is going to happen anyway. But I should thank that hand for spreading that sweetness for me to remember. What a joy it is if reality as just how I imagine, or perhaps more in the future that bring me closer to that :)

1 Ramadhan

esk puasa
first time mengajar juga
subjek yg tidak pernah kusuka

oh td jumpa programmer395
xsangka
Allah pertemukan kami jua

tidak dilupa
pemergian kak za mak sepupu saya
semoga tenang di sana

marilah berpuasa
dan menjadi insan yg lebih kamil berbanding sebelumnya