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Dear diary,

I got the chance to discuss on slightly nice decisions for better life next year. I make promise to put myself closer to Quran, I will prepare to make the most of next year's umrah. Insha Allah by being a better Muslim, Allah will be more likely to grant my wishes.I will give more while leaving my bad habits behind. I promise to stop comparing my fate with others, I will stop hating my life, I will be more sincere when I thank my Creator. I will love myself more. I will love those who love me. That is for sure. Goodbye 2014.

Calamity

This is not a merry christmas
For the first time I feel so compassionate for others.
Kelantan was mostly underwater.
Thousands lost their homes.
This was indeed an unimaginably bad test.
Allahurabbi

Dreams come true

Dear diary,

For the first time I came to know this song when I was in Abg Edy's car, on our way to Ampang. I was stunned with the melody and lyrics. It somehow reflected what I was hoping for before I flying home. Long I sat there quietly in that gloomy evening fearing and doubting the set dreams of my own. There was a Liput gathering in Ejat's place that took up another two nights of my December getaway. I was indeed amused with at every moment with the girls. Nevertheless, I bottled up one tiny desire in my heart. There something else missing. I really really wanna see my Simba no matter what it takes, at all costs.  It has been years till I arrived to that awaited moment. Thank you Allah for fulfilling my intention although there was slim chance for me to achieve that dream since everybody else had met Simba before. Around 10pm, Nov 15, I saw the unchanged Simba when I saw its smile and its paws flying in the air, greeting me with presumably mutual great feeling. I'm glad to see that Simba is doing good. Trust me, I have never had this feeling with other occupants of this planet, and I have never met sweeter soul as Simba's. Neither near nor dear, but it involves unutterably deep magical emotion in me which makes my heart treasures Simba enormously. Your name is always in my prayer Simba. Our path crossed, events done together were countless. Lucky me.

"sometimes to grasp the utmost value of a moment is until it becomes pieces of memory"

:)

Come with me, and we will fly together
To a place, where we can love forever 
Take my hand, and we will see tomorrow 
Only joy, and no more tears or sorrow 

A love I never knew, until I found you
I promise that I do, believe that dreams come true
Miracles will be, look at you and me
heaven helped us to, believe that dreams come true

In this moment, 
filled with deep emotion hold me tight
you'll feel my true devotion

A love I never knew, until I found you
I promise that I do, believe that dreams come true
Miracles will be, look at you and me
Heaven helped us to, believe that dreams come true 
Believe that dreams come true.

Misery

Dear diary,

There is one thing that impedes me from being calm in accepting my fortune, which is the believe that I can control every situation to be in accordance with my direction. The thought that Allah will always be on my side makes me feel over confidence. No Ayuni. You've got to learn that you are actually mean nothing. You got more than what u deserve. Who do you think you are?The world will never stop spinning be it with or without you. Get a life Ayuni, please. Pathetic.

care to hunt

When Paan asked “r u okay Yuni? If there is anything wrong just tell me", I just felt like jumping to him and cry in front of him. How can someone who has never been close to me can be so understanding to that extent? Yes mate I have been crying for the past three days. A good friend of mine hates me mucho without reason that any working mind could ever accept. He is a part of my life who chooses to show so much of hatred, even calling me an asshole.

Am I gonna kneel again this time? No, definitely. With that decision to I have to swallow hard the horrendous life that I can imagine next year. Why do people whom I appreciate always tend to disregard me? why can't their eyes see how appreciative I am for their friendship? Am I good for nothing?  2 months of joy, then it halted mercilessly. How am I going to enjoy my life here without friends around, let alone knowing that we arent longer talking?

There has been a continuous pain deep inside. I am losing self-worth Paan...
Deep down I am suffering.
Thankfully, there is you who is you

sobs

A's

It does not work as how it should be. My internal compass points to jealousy again when I think of other people's blessings in life. Yesterday evening warrants this undesirable emotion. I was in Afifah's room. The Cumils did gather at her house to show support since she is going to be a HO next week. Nabilah was praying. I was quite on her bed. I took her stethoscope and tried it once to my ears. I saw a book of Becoming a Houseman and I flicked through few pages. Her life is almost perfect. What is achieved today is exactly how she wished for when we were still primary school kids. Well I should stop being so melodramatic. Allah loves me most by giving what is the best for me, in accordance with my capability. I will work hatd for my students. Probably that is how I could do to revenge, producing doctors instead of being one. Enough Ayuni. It is time that you should learn how to stop staring in the dark. Find yourself back again! And to Afifah, well done. You are indeed my number one inspirer and have never stopped being one. I love u buddy.