self-esteem, why are you being so poor?

Dear diary,

This is my blog. The place where I can simply throw words and write about emotions of my own. I feel bad, I feel so bad. There is this one guy whom I do not like and do not care about his existence but he seems to be interested to know me. Then, just now he sent a message asking my friend's hp no. This is not the first time. Few weeks ago my student saw me walking with my friend and out of nowhere my student approached me for the intention of getting my other friend's hp number..When I was in form 4, yes Haziq asked for Afifah's number and well in form 5 there was one handsome guy in my batch who were quite close with my own elder sister..then again my own teacher requested to get to know my sister too..huu sape lg..I never give a damn to such thing..but tonight it makes me think, too many times that I have unofficially appointed to be the source of the beautiful people's contact no. My name is Ayuni and I am half human half instrument for some guys. too many times count.This has been happening for years. Do not blame me for being unhappy!

"Everyone is beautiful in some way" said by the most positive person on earth.huu ye la sgt. I have a problem of poor self-confidence because I never once comey. I am UGLY. I am UGLY. UGLY I am..huu huuu..~I feel shy with how I look while my friends around me are born with what is considered pretty and cute by the society. I am the ugliest in my family. My sister is fair and petite like my mom. She has almost everything. Of course I cannot stop from getting jealous, but I never harm anybody..It's just that I feel so intimidated..Yadai yadai "At least you have 10 fingers, at least you can walk, at least you don't look like niggars"..this thoughts never help. Semua adalah satu pembohongan, more or less like the previous PRU. Opps..back to my case, I am not getting nearer to gaining confidence or embarking my day by exclaiming to my own reflection that I look good. It is very hard...tsk3.. One question! Is it possible that if I make my life beautiful, then I can feel the same? Betul ke tak betul? Confidence hilang..lenyap secara tiba2...and it is incurable at the moment. Ya Allah!