Posting

Dear diary,

Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
The day that I have been waiting for since May 2013 has finally shown up. All the questions answered in a very undisputable way. All the TESLians are now satisfied as the waiting time has come to the end. Some news were shocking tho, like for Viki to be sent to Johor and also included a cute story of Tava who will spend many more years in Kelantan. How about me? I will be in Kelantan, probably will just end my whole life here. I am grateful but why am I not happy enough with this reality while other new teachers probably have been crying in silence to receive the same news as I am one day. I know Allah knows better to give what is the best for me. I did not get Perak, I did not get Selangor and I did not get to teach good schools. How's that??

It is the beginning of another dull plot in an already dull saga. This joy is not entirely true. While my parents' kiss on my cheeks left me with a very sinful emotion of some sort, deep down I tried to conceal the real feelings. I need to reset my mind. Allah is faithful. He will give what I need. He will give nothing beyond my ability to handle, He plans is the best, and He will surely be by my side in the mess and in the pain. With Him in charge, everything would be OK. Well, maybe it is time for me to put forth energy towards everybody near me-parents especially without feeling morally obliged to do so.

There's no other way that I could make myself feels better. Not a single soul in this world can understand how I feel. And maybe I do not understand my own feeling too. Everything is so messed up lately. I should get all the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, etc. to be back in some degree of order. No, my life is not messy. It is just not like how I dream it to be. As a consequence, I am left as an unhappy but grateful being.
Crap!

After all, I am so gonna love my job.
And I hope it can boomerang '',)

One good thing for today, Muqhlis contacted me, telling that he got 70% for English.
Ya Allah, I love my Tanjung Pauh students so much.

Amanecer

This is an entry that I secretly dedicate for a good friend of mine. She is a just a simple Chinese girl who is really special beyond her simplicity. We were not as close as after she found Islam.
I can only pray that the light

2010- It was an evening unlike the other. Together with a few friends, we stayed at the uni to listen to a talk organized for Islamic Awareness Week. A well-known speaker from London came all the way to Portsmouth to share with us on the truthfulness of Islamic economy system and a few snippets of advice regarding how to survive in the world of capitalism.

Nuggle Cuddle Snuggle

Dear diary,

20 degree C?? Something rare is actually happening.
The outside weather is cold! Here in Kelantan, and you feel like unrolling your mattress at the compound to have a comfortable sleep. I am indulging the cold air with my ears listening to Chicago- Will You Still Love Me together with some kind of 'jiwangness' brought together by the wind. Among all the details that Allah has predestined in the solar systems, this is what I feel so grateful for- the passing cold wind from China. Tell me about it!

Oh well, since I find this too oddly special and I should get it kept here, so that in years to come I can recall that there was a period of time in my life where there is no need for me to feel jealous of those in Siberia who might not know the meaning of fluttering hand fan in a scorchingly hot day like I always do. My place is currently a proto-type of an ideal place to live in. It is a blessing, very minimal yet sufficiently satisfying.

I-don't-need-anymore-lemons-for-lemonade-at least-for-today-tomorrow-and-the-day-after

~No I can't go on.. 'Cause I can't go on..~

Marvel

“Shakirah- her name may look plain on paper but the owner. Frankly speaking, she is someone whom I look up to. Whoever lives with her can emulate good qualities of a student, friend, sister, and ultimately a future doctor. She developed her passion in medical field from the start and she works hard towards achieving her goal. When it comes to work, she will be the most professional person to contribute in the team. She also projects commendable level of maturity which enables her to handle things well during ups and down. Above that, she is still a flexible social butterfly who fits all circles. Despite our perception of fun at times might be dissimilar, we perpetually share lots of giggles throughout the journey and we still keep sharing laughs on every time we catch up. I believe she will make an ideal doctor for the nation. I wish her the brightest future ahead.”

This is the odd thing that I have done tonight. Yuyu requested me to write a testimonial for RMC yearbook although we were only together for a year in MRSM. Doing this as if I am also a part of her medical school. Pelik bin ajaib but it is such an honour... :D

Oh Kak Jenny

Dear diary,

I came across some ugly definitions of a word that I initially had doubt creeping in regarding its existence. There is such term as housechild, although unauthorized but sufficiently depressing. As 'siot' as it seems, by definition a housechild is 'old-enough to be a housewife, unemployed, plus has lived away from the house for a period of time and is now coming back to the house just when the parents thought they were finally rid of her". Sheesh!! It has never been easy to get over this ongoing excruciating period of unemployment and uncertainty. It is like you are living alone on another earth that has stopped spinning. You can only witness a normal perfect life portrayed by other people while you helplessly questioning in silence why life is being so unkind to you. And somehow or rather you feel like getting back at world but again, the helplessness is the concern. I know. Allah knows. Only we both know. It is only the sixth day of 2014 and look how unmotivated have I become. Nak kena Ayuni niiii..

I need fresh air! Can the world hear me shouting from this mattress top? :D

While I was hoping for a good excuse for another so-called blissful escapism, Kak Jannah came in with the strongest ever reason to tell abah and mama. She is getting married! OK what is so great about her getting married? Of course it is! Kak Jannah is my naqibah. I have got to see her because.. first, I am pretty sure that it is unlikely to be another next time. The possibility is slowly fading. Second, I have millions of reasons to love her as she was the one who had made every weekend at Wellington more meaningful by prompting us to sit together turning each miraculous pages of Quran. The routine that grew to be more significant from that moment on. So that's it. Seeing Kak Jannah is a must even if It means that I've got to find my own way to her place in Muar.

He made thing easy for me as always. My spontaneous plan has been positively responded by the girls. Everybody seems to be willing travel again from different coordinate to catch up. There had been a few after we parted but it's never enough. Well, this stone gonna get not just two, but maybe three or four birds killed sadistically. I will promise to you el diario that I will get better. I will work on those few do's. Yezzaa..Just another week to go. Muy perfecto ^^

Azam-zam alakazam

I guess I know already what is the best resolution for myself
- grab all opportunities available
- be bold
- take risk

:) yosh!

I entered Tadika on January 1st! -Aisyah (6 y/old)

さようなら

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind"
I gazed on that quote for a few seconds, viewing from the life perspective of my own. Again, my negative mind is consciously overpowered by the overwhelming sense found from the unknown corner of the brain. The truth is, I am not altogether on Lewis' side in this matter. 2013 started pretty well with practicum and a few other crazy stuffs that we did together as students. In a contradict manner, the following months of the year went into nothingness since I have just trapped at home most of the time. The passing numb months after leaving IPDA has rendered myself cruel to declare that 2013 emitted light the least, in general. But there was one moment this year that the world was able to see every ounce of happiness evident on my face. The event that I have been wanting and waiting for several months. I asked and He listened. Allah looked straight into my heart. I know that. He showed it and I have clearly understood. So 2013, thanks for behaving well so long. You may leave now. :)