Posting

Dear diary,

Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
The day that I have been waiting for since May 2013 has finally shown up. All the questions answered in a very undisputable way. All the TESLians are now satisfied as the waiting time has come to the end. Some news were shocking tho, like for Viki to be sent to Johor and also included a cute story of Tava who will spend many more years in Kelantan. How about me? I will be in Kelantan, probably will just end my whole life here. I am grateful but why am I not happy enough with this reality while other new teachers probably have been crying in silence to receive the same news as I am one day. I know Allah knows better to give what is the best for me. I did not get Perak, I did not get Selangor and I did not get to teach good schools. How's that??

It is the beginning of another dull plot in an already dull saga. This joy is not entirely true. While my parents' kiss on my cheeks left me with a very sinful emotion of some sort, deep down I tried to conceal the real feelings. I need to reset my mind. Allah is faithful. He will give what I need. He will give nothing beyond my ability to handle, He plans is the best, and He will surely be by my side in the mess and in the pain. With Him in charge, everything would be OK. Well, maybe it is time for me to put forth energy towards everybody near me-parents especially without feeling morally obliged to do so.

There's no other way that I could make myself feels better. Not a single soul in this world can understand how I feel. And maybe I do not understand my own feeling too. Everything is so messed up lately. I should get all the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, etc. to be back in some degree of order. No, my life is not messy. It is just not like how I dream it to be. As a consequence, I am left as an unhappy but grateful being.
Crap!

After all, I am so gonna love my job.
And I hope it can boomerang '',)

One good thing for today, Muqhlis contacted me, telling that he got 70% for English.
Ya Allah, I love my Tanjung Pauh students so much.