Dear diary,
Untuk ke sekian kalinya, perasaan ini muncul lagi,, Yes, perasaan itu. Rasa loser bila target x menepati sasaran. Perasaan dpt 68, not 70 kat UoP dulu. This time? kegagalan utk menjadi calon TESLian utk merit dlm practicum tersangat la menyedihkan. Apatah lagi apabila pasangan practicum yg berkongsi supervisor berjaya dgn bergayanya. Isk isk isk..sedihnya... sedih bila rasa macam da berusaha tp x jugak Allah perkenankan...aaaaaaa.. Is my effort unseen? Aren't you able to see my hardwork too? Were my lessons too bad? The remarks given were pleasing..so?
"Mungkin bukan kat situ, rezeki Kak Yuni kat tmpt lain"..ok itu lah line ma akan ckp.So, no need to tell her, and perhaps telling her that there is such thing as merit award is unneeded too. But I want that, I always dream high and always gets frustrated for not achieving it. I want that sense of achievement. It is not about being outstanding in the midst of all eyes i have never given a damn for that. Hati sy ni yg nak..nak senyum sorg2 bwh selimut..and tepuk bahu sendiri and senyum je...Huwaaaa!!
This cheeks again need to be slapped. People's recognition is nothing to be compared with the change that you bring to your students. Ayuni, ikhlaskan lah hati..Is the effort you put just for merit? If so, the intention actually incites pity la deyy. No, it is not that. Isk isk isk this heart immediately needs to be sanitized. This is really a critical period, a critical period whereby I am actually despising myself..such a filthy..DUSH!! Rasa nak tumbuk ASUS biru ni..!! Eh tak tak..sayang je.ololo
Allahuakbar...maaf, saya hamba yg tidak bersyukur..T.T
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