Eternal happiness

 The hand that I am holding belongs to the most loving man that a wife can ever pray for. I could feel that oxytocin is constantly being released since the moment I became somebody’s Mrs again. I live with lesser worries and more joy now. Thanks to Paan, and of course the Mighty Planner.

Goodbye SMKJ

20.1.20
Beautiful day for another beginning
Alhamdulillah. Got a memo to be transferred to other school. Im pleased for this change

Vision 2020

One fine day. Hopefully Allah will realise this
Amin

1March

It was beautiful 🦋

3 series

Let’s burn all the lists written in the past and never create a new one. Live life in the present and just follow the flow
Alhamdulillah
Offcially 30 today
Happy Birthday dear self
Please be good to everyone

Uk again

Yes, this was the greatest event of 2018 in which I think should be kept here. Allah brought me to UK again for 5 remarkable nights. Alhamdulillah

Butterfly

Dear book,

Page 365 is today
I have been anticipating this final page just to put it back
Probably on the highest shelf
Probably to be buried in the deepest level down the ground

For what I know, the 365 days compiled wondrous journey
With the grace from none other than Him
I make it through a year that witnesses
All the struggles in the cocoon of my very own

In the process, I spin all the way
Indeed, the process to morph wasn’t that easy
To start anew
I wish a totally new story is written

The past is the past
let it pass
I gonna look straight to the future
To fly as the very best version of me
For tomorrow onwards

Despite the beauty maybe in the butterfly
The growth in fact happens in the cocoon
I am glad I was once inside
Between the written pages
🦋

Belle

Dear diary,
I went out from school to see Nabila just now. Upon seeing her eyes in tears, mine did the same too.
Sedih. Hanya Tuhan yg tahu...

T.T

entah bila akan hilang rasa sedih ini

Keep real

Dear diary,

The evening dinner with Kak Ain just now made me realize about the idea of being realistic in life. No matter how bitter life gets, the fact that accepting what is real is very crucial. It is the real life that we are living, and that probably makes absolute sense how we as human should express awareness of things as they are. It is the right time Ayuni... to be awakened by the line separating reality and fantasy. Despite being fine, it is visible if you choose to acknowledge it.


So yeah
8.8.18

Berakhirlah sudah

Dear diary,
 Just now we had a midnight deive. It was something that I had been wanting, yet the feeling was totally different. Good and bad things keep coming alternatingly. I will stop putting any hope, or else you will make yourself hurt deep. The path is less vague now. Ayuni has no other choice than moving on with life.


Tonight, ma probaby got what she had been praying for. That is the best for me forever.
Alhamdulillah for everything he plans.

eyes watching

Dear diary,

Have you experienced trying to do a wrong thing and it turns out that Allah acts better on overturning your plan? Yeah it happened to me a while ago. I had a blow because I managed to witness how Allah  will halt me from doing something wrong. I thought by planning everything well will sugarcoat my real intention. Ayuni, you never know how great Allah can be and how weak you are as a decision maker. I want to keep it here as a good reminder for my awful self, the so called holier than thou self . Happy CNY, may this new year shape me better. Amin
🍊🍊

convo

Dear diary,

This evening I stepped to uum with syafiq to get our cloaks, mortar biards and other stuffs for our convocarion day tomorrow. It was an amazing journey with lots of memories that tasted distinctively. All I can say about this, I learned about patience to balance my commitments, learned to be sincere when it comes to helping others, learned to accept the outcomes that sometimes do not meet our expectations. Despite not having Abah and Ma waiting outside the Muadzam Shah tomorrow, I hope that they feel proud of me.

Cascading

Dear diary,

I am feeling absolutely nervous deep down. The biggest challenge that I have ever taken since the day I officially became a teacher is doing cascading to all other teachers,. I am taking the role as a Master Trainer on behalf of Cambridge English to explain to Kelantanese teachers from different districts about next year's curriculum which is CEFR alligned. It is indeed something that I have never imagined myself doing. Hopefully Allah will help me throughout the five days. Failure is not trying. I don't want to fail.


Break a leg Ayuni!

2015

Hi. As usual I do not want to miss writing another entry to end 2015. 'Metamorphosis' is the best word to describe this year. First, I went to Mecca for umrah where I realized that there is closer attachment between me and My Creator, to the extent that I clearer of what life should aim for. Alhamdulillah. Another change is I start my Master study at UUM. Even though it is done part-time with so much of limitations, I believe that my choice to fork out my own money to study is the right thing to do. There are 3 more semesters for another graduation. May Allah ease my way. The biggest metamorphosis of my life that I have undergone is having a boyfriend who is now my fiance. Despite the bumps encountered along the road, I still believe that Allah has created Mohd Syafiq Mohd Rasidi for me since the very beginning. Everything happens with Allah's grace. Everything is beautiful for 2015. Thank you :)

And not to forget, Ipi is now a Puan of Afnan. Nabilah is counting days while Faten is following closely behind with a good guy too. May happiness bestowed upon all of us. Amin

Kak nuroshlizan

Damailah kamu di sana. :)

sotong celup tepung

Dear diary,

Tonight marks the 5th months of us being together. The whole day I went around town, looking for something that I can give to him. When I think about love, I always imagine care, receiving gifts, sweet messages, treat, and etc. It is all about giving rather than accepting. The drawback of such analogy is felt start pressing myself about how less his care towards me, how insignificant I feel about myself to him. However, when he pointed about how I should care of his pride, I felt like not having self worth anymore. At this point, it seems clear that the more effort I put to appear perfect in his eyes, the more imperfection I had seemingly demonstrated. Thank you. I have learned in the hardest way. I am so thankful for having him. Alhamdulillah

step forward

Dear diary,

My new life as a postgrad student has finally begun. It feels so different to see mature students in the cohort. Thinking of workload and slimmer chance resting time, I am scared. Nevertheless, once step has been taken, there is no turning back.
UUM, please be good to me...or should I say us? :D

R&A

The phone was just hung up. I looked at the floor idly before I took a few seconds to close my eyes. Subhanallah it has been more excitement prior to the story. It was amazingly arranged by Allah swt through me as the instrument. It has been a year that Nabilah had been fishing without much success for someone whom she thinks the best for her. In just 3 days, Nabilah and Razman have become serious in relationship. The flashing light she has been hoping for is actually from this hill, hill of Jeli. It came out so suddenly when she could no longer see path.

Hebatnya Tuhan

:)

Al-Mataf Al Benang

Dear Diary,

Other news related to PCians can't be even more shocking than this. Nasirah told me that she is getting married and her future husband is Zul. There was a mixed feelings when I heard that news. I really have no idea that Zul will end up with Nasirah. I don't even believe when I heard the rumours saying that there is something between both of them from Faqiehah. Above all I feel happy because I know both of them very well. Allah is always fair in pairing his ummah. Nasirah is the nicest, do does Zul. So both of you, I wish you a great voyage and happy rowing to your island of felicity.

Anyway, hey I have my own story too which probably the sweetest story that I myself could never imagine to be in. Perhaps mine would be yards away or maybe ahead of the doctors'. In April 2014 I was posted to a very remote district of Jeli with a newly known friend from Warwick whose name I knew during BTN and only once or twice in the UK. Soon, we become friends who always conceal each others' flaws in the eyes of the other colleagues to the level best, which seems to be somewhat compatible. During the process of adaptation there were lots of things that we have gone through together, not only as posting mate, but also Samakita siblings. Yet, there is nothing beyond daytime professional-based and night time campus-like friendship.

2 weeks before I left to Mecca (4/3) for umrah, there was a sister came out with something shocking. Based on what she said, he had been considering me as a life partner. Struggling to remain calm, I was mute for a moment. That actually brought to series of pre-sleeping deep thoughts for a few nights. On wednesday(11/3), I had asked him out for tea together with Kak Ain. That was the day when he requested threads from the kaabah cover for him. He might have lost his mind with that request while I could see my mind fell down in the drain too when I made my heart promise to get it by any possible mran. Time passed without any confirmation from him until the final day at school. He managed to see me before I left. I passed through the school gate with aggrieved heart. That was it. Deep down I know there was something that has been peeking the outside world, waiting for the right moment to escape yet the door is still locked. That something- may or may not be real. I just have to ask from Allah for some lights leading me out of the uncertainty.

Then I went to the Holy land of Mecca and Madinah. Every single moment spent there was savoured. I felt so close to my creator. Everyday I prayed to be granted with a good husband. Every prayer I told him that I don't want to live alone. And frankly, I mentioned his name quite a few times thinking that he could probably the man that I have been waiting for. We never know. 16th of March, I could remarkably and effortlessly pull the kaabah thread when I finished performing the individual tawaf. There was a space 'reserved' for me in front of kaabah. I find that it was indeed magical when Allah had made it easy for me to be as nearest to the wall of kaabah despite the manic crowd. Then, on the 16th of March, Kak Ain sent me a text to pray for him and me when I was about to leave for Magrib. So that was from another kakak. The sign seems clearer.I began to feel more convinced than I used to. So in front of kasbah, on top of Jabal Rahmah, whicever place that would enhance the chance of acceptance of my dua I asked for Him to make it happen if it is the right move...and if he is created for me.

On March 25th, I came back to work. I saw him and gave the thread on the hopeful palms. Looking at his reation, I knew that he was absolutely thrilled. I am happy to see him happy. Seems that I have done something illegal, worthwhile and hopefully forgivable. It is a just plain silly me. 28th of March brought quite a surprise. A gentleman approached me all of a sudden with the intention of looking for a wife. I welcomed him full heartedly. He appeared when I was back from umrah. Could he by my man? After days in contact, I could sense his charm.There is something in him to be desired for, the qualities, kindness and many others come in a single great combo. So we arranged a 'date' on Wednesday (1/4) the anniversary of my posting.

On Sunday, he asked me out for a lunch after completing SAPS. It was just an ordinary meal time. He mentioned about Sheikh Arab and he said that usually single lady who came back from umrah will be made easy to get married.hurmm..The next day, I went out with Kak Ain to Tanah Merah. On our way to Tanah Merah, again I was shocked to hear from her that he likes me but he does not have the guts to tell me. The only matter is that Kak Ain is not so sure about his seriousness. It is beyond doubt kak, I told myself. On Tuesday, I could feel that all the kakaks in my school started to pressure him. Seems that I might get snatched by other guy and he better be quick. I just laughed with that idea. However, I have mentally prepared to be open up with my new friend. Be it true or not, I am going to see Razman on Wednesday.

The wonderful Wednesday arrived for one unforgettable lunch session.  I was excited to see how he possessed so much of desirable qualities. I like him. If Allah eased the way, I am going to like him indeed. Then the historical Thursday came. That afternoon, I told him about the existence of Razman. I was totally fine. My plan was to let the friendship budding, between me and that someone newly known.

And after that, he said that would I go on with the idea of me and him becoming more than just friends. The hidden side had been revealed one by one. He had been keeping his feelings since last year. He claimed that I am his candidate. Many people had been told about his intention and feeling but me. And the text I received in Mecca was composed by him. Just like that, my internal heart crisis was untangled more magically than magic of all sorts.

Sunday..5th of April
witnessed by the most beautiful moon in the sky
teh o ais
peach drink
and a bowl of laksa

"I dont think that theres a need for me to think anymore.If it is destined that I should cook paprik for u for a lifetime then I will redha"

"Alhamdulillah'

The kalimah that I heard was that. The second time I heard afterwards was in my heart.

Demi Tuhan yg maha agung
Ia satu kelegaan yg tak dpt digambarkan.
Ya Allah..terima kasih.

Anis

HAPPY.BIRTHDAY.ANIS!

:)